an update to make hillary happy

Ok, so it's been like 3 weeks since i've done anything on here. And Hillary wants me to post something, so here it is!!!

And Hillary, I think you're the only one reading this, so enjoy.

I work at Dollar General. To anyone who thinks i'm at hobby lobby, it's not true.
I get health insurance at DG, even though i still haven't finalized that stuff yet. oopps.

I like it there. I think I'm fine with being there for a while. This is my 4th week there now i think. I haven't really aquired that much money yet, but life goes on.

I went to the Baptist church in Haven with Jenny Mace last night. That was the first time i've been to anything church related in 2 months. I don't think i'm ready to go back yet. Sad? Probably, but i just don't want to be in church right now.

I'm confused. With lots of things. Men especially. I think I'm dating someone kind of, but not for sure. Weird I know. Hopefully that gets straigtened out soon.

I miss Courtney. I'd like to just have a day with her where we act like dorks. That was so fun. I need that. I'm happy with Miriam right now. I think she has made a very very VERY wise choice in her life, and I'm proud of her. Velda and I were going to go to Worlds of Fun, but it just didn't work out. Lots of things dont work out, you know??? Maybe someday.....

I need some new music. My playlists are getting old.

My Grandpa is not doing well at all. We think it's getting worse. Usually he feels bad one day, and then pretty good the next. He has been bad for 3 weeks straight now. It sucks. I hate to see him like that.

Ummmm, i am not very happy with the broncos right now. They are getting a little dissapointing. BUT, thank goodness they aren't 1-7! hence, the kc chiefs.

this is getting random, stupid, and pointless.

obviously there is not much going on in my life. Work and sleep basically.

so sorry for wasting your time hillary. i love you!

Ihj3943jnk

There's no window in this room
Not that I really miss the view
It's just that I may soon forget the way the grass looks when it's wet

It seems too sad to call this home
However, I had time to think about the past and write this song
I'm running out of ink

I'm trying hard to read your mind
Built a machine to travel time
"Blessing the globe with pestilence"
This is my magic residence

It seems too sad to call this home
However, I had time to think
The medication does not work
There's poison in my drink

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep, if I
should die before I wake, then that's just my luck"

They never told me they were going to put me away
I am not insane
I am not crazy!

I made a magic wand today
Maybe I'll wish myself away
Next to the ocean where birds sing
"These are a few of my favorite things"

It seems too sad to call this home
However, I had time to think about the past and what went wrong
I'm running out of ink!

Oh the sickness the sadness I can't think I can't think

I'm making progress all the time. Oh yes.

I start my new job tomorrow. I am going to be working at Hobby Lobby now. (thanks jenny) I am a little nervous, but i think i'm going to be just fine. I am so ready to get this started. I've spent way to much of my life just messing around, and it is time for me to start growing up. I've made some small goals that i am working towards. It helps motivate me i think.

I am getting closer to God all the time. I have NEVER felt so great before. I am extremely thankful for everything that's going on. I can't even type about it. There is just way to much that's been happening to me over the past few weeks. I am very hopeful, faithful, and optimistic about my future. It's awesome!!!

I never thought i'd get to where i am right now. Not saying, that i'm far or anything, but i've always given up at the thought of failing. So i'm making so much progress! yay!!!

and i like this picture a lot.

Take You Back

I am fine now. It is true. I struggled a little bit this weekend, but had a good talk last night. I think i realized some really important stuff about my journey to find God. I needed that. I'm back to reading, and learning about Him. I've already learned a lot. I'm so glad that God is always willing to take me back. I'm happy that he is patient and loving. It's so hard to wrap your mind around his love. I think that has always been my problem. Truly BELIEVING that God loves me no matter what. I will get there. This has been my number 1 priority lately; to build a relationship with Him. It's really exciting actaully. The one thing that i am learning is that when i mess up, i'm allowed to try again. For the longest time i had it engraved in my mind that when i fell down, i had to stay down for a long time. I felt like maybe if i just ignored the problem, I would eventually feel better enough to start talking to God again. CRAZY STUFF! I know that's not true anymore.

I'm not a big Jeremy Camp fan, but i feel that these lyrics really explain what all i'm trying to say, so here they are.


The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few
When I fall and bring your name down

But I have found in you
A heart that pleads forgiveness
Replacing all these thoughts
Of painful memories
But I know
That your response will always be


I'll take you back always
And even when your fight is over now
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back always
And even when the pain is coming through
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm looking for
And I take all I can
And lay it down
Before the throne of endless grace, now
That radiates what's true

I'm in the only place
That erases all these faults
That have overtaken me
But I know
That your response will always be


I can only speak
With a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift
Of your love

I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You'll take me back always
And even when my fight is over now
Even when my fight is over now
You'll take me back always
And even when my pain is coming through
Even when my pain is coming through
You'll take me back always





OH! and I'm also starting to listen to this band!
Thank You Courtney Miller :)

HOUSE OF HEROES

tomorrow.....

ok so i'm struggling!!!! I thought i was doing really well, actually i was doing really well, until Saturday. I hate that some of my friends think that the things i'm doing are NOT wrong at all. It really bothers me. And i'm also getting a bit frustrated with someone who has the highest expectations out of me..

ANYWAYS, i am making today the last day that i screw around. Tomorrow i will be working to get back on track.

Is that bad that i keep giving myself time to do what i know is wrong???
why can't gettin past temptation be easier than this???

annnnnnnd,
i'm done.

:(

I really screwed up

a hard rain's gonna fall.

I’ve been doing lots of reading lately. I decided that I was going to try to get my life somewhat on track. I was failing at everything for way to long. I think I’ll be done with that nonsense. I understand that we as humans are not perfect, therefore we will fail. The failure that was coming from my life though was mainly all made up of terrible decisions. Back to the reading… I’ve been reading a book called “Searching for God knows what” It is by Donald Miller. I haven’t finished it, but I can tell you that it is amazing. The author really digs into some stuff that I haven’t really thought about. It is so easy to follow because it really describes all of our lives. He mentions how we tend to read the Bible as a self help book. I know that’s how I was reading it. I always would just go to the back, find a subject, turn to the page, and look for the answer that would help benefit me. I think God is trying to tell us things, other than “step 1, step 2, etc…” Anyways, this book has been helping me understand lots of things, and in conclusion, I am happy with it.

It has been raining, a lot! I haven’t seen so much water fall from the sky in some time. The streets are heavily flooded in Wichita, and the surrounding towns. It’s not so bad in Haven yet. Hopefully it doesn’t get too awful. I don’t want my car to go floating down the road. Hurricane Ike is getting ready to hit the coast down by Texas, and Louisiana. We will get the remnants of that as well. Rain, rain, and more rain. I like it though. It calms me down I think. Sometimes it’s just good to have a day where you can sit inside, listen to music, and read. It’s quiet, but you can hear that little patter of the rain drops outside. I enjoy it a lot.

I had a job interview today at the Hutchinson Library. It went quite well. I know that they were interviewing quite a few people, so I can just pray that I will be the one to receive it. I’m sort of counting on it, which I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. I feel like this is the one. This will be the job that will work for me. Things have been looking up! It also seems like I have just completely changed my mindset about life. I use to be depressed, worried, angry, and frustrated with everyone and everything. I decided to let Jesus’ love come into my life, and I can honestly say that IT IS REAL. I had so much doubt and sometimes still do, but seeing how happy I am, and how much I suddenly want to work on pleasing God more, I just know that he is here working with me.

I am completely obsessed with mewithoutYou. I can’t figure out why. They have some pretty strange music. The lead singer Aaron Weiss doesn’t even really sing. He basically talks in loud tones. His lyrics are by far the greatest words I’ve ever heard in any songs EVER. They are so deep, and I still don’t understand what a lot of it means, but I just can’t get enough. I have every song, and I wish there was more.

And finally, my prayer list.

1. My Grandpa hasn’t been doing so great lately. It’s hard to understand why the most innocent caring people have to deal with so much pain, but I trust that there is some reason for this.

2. Courtney Miller is in Ohio doing 3 months of training for her missions trip to Madagascar. I haven’t heard too much of how she’s doing, but I know that she needs prayer.

3. The people along the coast who are being affected by the hurricane

4. Some of my friends who are not thinking about their not so cool actions.

5. and lastly, me. Just pray that I can continue making progress in my life, and that I will continue building my relationship with God.